There has always been a link between sports and sex.
Don’t blame us. But the connection between sex and baseball begins when we are young and on the playground. It starts innocently. To get to first base means you managed the most innocent of tasks – kissing. However, as we age, the metaphor ages with us. Second base – under the shirt contact. Third base – down the shirt contact. And of course, a home run means “going all the way.” But it even goes deeper than that. Obviously if you strike out you are denied any sexual contact whatsoever. But the metaphor extends to gay men as well. If you’re a pitcher you perform anal sex. If you’re a catcher, you receive anal sex. Switch hitters means you can go either way and are attracted to both sexes. Similarly, if you’re playing for both teams, you’re bisexual. However, if you’re playing for the other team, you’re homosexual. Which is odd because it should mean you’re heterosexual, but I didn’t make up these categories.
“There are only two seasons—winter and baseball.” — Bill Veeck
It makes one wonder how this even started?
Why baseball and not football? It would work similarly for football – first down, second down, third down and touch down. Quarterbacks perform anal sex and receivers receive. The only part it lacks is switch hitter but I’m sure that could be made up for by having a creative use for field goals and goal posts. What about hockey? In the crease, in the net, 2 on 1’s, 3 on 2’s, butt-ending, five hole – the lingo is ripe with sexual innuendo. Can you imagine what a hat trick would be?
What do Europeans do?
There must be some lingo for soccer, rugby or cricket. Unfortunately, most Americans have no idea of the slang used in these games but one only has to use their imagination to come up with a creative sexual metaphor for bicycle kicks, hookers and donkey drop. China has badminton with shuttlecocks. Basketball is gaining in popularity in the Middle East – swingman anyone?
To Americans, however, baseball and sex remain the ultimate national past time. So queue up your Meatloaf, pop open a cold one, and turn on the game. Baseball season has begun.
No matter what team you play for, we can all agree that it’s the “playing of the baseball” that is the fun part. To help you kick it off, here’s a fun game from our parent company Fantasy Gifts. Batter up and play Bedroom Baseball! It’s game day and that means it’s time to embrace your playful side and turn your bedroom into the ultimate sexual ballpark, a place where lovers experience countless hours of passionate fun. Includes: Game Board, 50 Activity Cards, 2 Game Tokens, and 1 Baseball Spinner.