No man is an island. And no species is either. Anyone who has ever watched a dog or cat go at it knows that masturbation is not just a human need. But it’s not just mammals that masturbate, other species also like to get off. Sexual pleasure is as natural as, well, nature! So who else is rubbing one out?
Primates. Obviously. You can’t swing a cat in a zoo without seeing some monkey jerking off. In fact, it’s how some little kids learn about masturbation. Watch one go at it in a zoo and you’ll see no shame, fear or embarrassment – just an unabashedly huge grin! And the girl primates do it too! Some female species have been seen using sticks and other plant matters as make-shift dildos. Because tools are what separate primates from all other species!!
Dolphins. You knew they were smart but did you know they were this smart? Dolphin penises are so long they can maneuver it just like it’s an arm (don’t tell my girlfriend – she already thinks they are cute and adorable!). Some dolphins have been seen using live eels to stimulate their penis (now there’s an idea for a sex toy!). Others have been seen using a decapitated fish which just goes to show, males will use whatever tools are available to get the job done!
Walruses. Walruses typically rub their front flippers over their penis to give themselves a flipper job. But did you know that a walrus’ penis is so large it can actually give itself a blowjob? Confirming the answer to the age-old question, why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can!
Squirrels. Squirrels are so horny they will even masturbate after sex! Impressive as this sounds, it’s probably done as protection against sexually transmitted disease as squirrels get it on early and often with a multitude of partners.
Penguins. Not only do penguins masturbate, but they also engage in some disturbing behavior such as necrophilia and pedophilia. Which just goes to show you never know what’s going on under that tuxedo!
Bats. Vampire bats (and not the cheesy “Twilight” vampires) have been observed auto-fellating while upside down – which is just an impressive gravitational feat (although messy to clean up!).
Knowing that the majority of the animal kingdom masturbates may not come as a big shock to you but here’s one area where we differ. According to the Scientific American, humans are unique in one area – we masturbate a hell of a lot more than the rest! We rule!