Before I begin any aircraft operations, I do a complete and thorough check of my airplane. This is not always a fun task, in fact it can be long and arduous. But I know if I don’t complete it thoroughly and correctly, an aircraft accident is likely to occur. Similarly, before I begin any dating operation, I also do a complete and thorough check of my own equipment. Sometimes it’s fun, and yes, it can also be long and arduous. But I know that a thorough checklist can prevent any equipment malfunction.
- Shit, Shower and Shave. Yes, in that order. Taking a good dump before going out let’s me thoroughly enjoy my meal and I don’t have to worry about farting at dinner. A good shower makes sure all my equipment is clean and smelling good. And when I shave I look at all of my body hair – no girl wants to go down on me and get a couple of pubes caught in her teeth.
- Be Prepared for any Situation. It might sound like old school boy scout shit, but I always believe in being prepared. That means I make sure I carry some breath mints and at least two fresh condoms everywhere I go. I’ve found those two things can get me through dinner and breakfast with little disruption. And always carry cash – you never know when your card stripe is suddenly going to stop working or the ATM will eat your card.
- Make sure all equipment is in working order. Always follow ABC, Always Be Charging. Your cell phone is your lifeline, it can get you out of any jam so make sure the battery is always full and ready to go. Of course, on the actual date itself, put it on vibrate and only check it when she’s out of the room. Trust me, she’ll go to the bathroom at least twice which will give you plenty of time to check in with the real world.
- Prepare the flight hanger. When she comes back to your place, be prepared. Nothing grosses a girl out more than a dirty bathroom so at least invest in some wet wipes and give the place a quick wipe down. They like it when you have toilet paper too. Fresh sheets are nice or you can always spray some Febreeze on them. Straighten the bed, put away your porn and shut down your computer so she can’t browse through your history.
- Empty your chamber. I don’t care if you just had sex that morning, always empty your chamber before going on a date. It’ll ease your stress and make sure nothing mis-fires after dinner.
Complete this checklist, sit back, and enjoy the ride!